


Time Machine

by SymphonicFantasia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Canon Compliant, Guilt, M/M, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, SHEITH - Freeform, Sad Ending, Shiro lies to Curtis, Song Lyrics, Unrequited Love, friendly teasing, minor infidelity, shurtis, this is not the fix-it fic you're looking for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-30 11:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19852354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymphonicFantasia/pseuds/SymphonicFantasia
Summary: “Remembering whenWhen we were so perfectAnd now it's all broken; words left unspoken”- Time Machine, by Blood on the Dance Floor





	Time Machine

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS NOT A FIX-IT FIC. This is actually an angst-filled bad ending fic. I originally wanted to do something completely different with this song idea, but it took me so long to do it and the timing felt right. It was originally going to be something like them both pining for each other and maybe getting together. With Shiro's marriage to Curtis, I thought it was fitting this way.

_“Remembering when_

_When we were so perfect_

_And now it's all broken; words left unspoken”_

“Shiro, are you okay? You seem a little distracted.”

He smiled at Curtis. “I’m fine, darling, just thinking.”

Curtis didn’t look convinced. “If you say so…” He stepped onto his toes to kiss Shiro. “I have to get to a meeting. Will you be with me for dinner?”

“Of course. I’ll see you then.” Shiro hung onto Curtis’ left hand with his own. In the process, the light caught on his wedding ring. He brought it closer, examining the gold band.

He had been married for a few months now. Curtis was a nice guy that had been part of his original crew on the Atlas. During that time, Shiro had seen the kind of man he was, and he relied on him. There was no other man that Shiro could see himself marrying.

No, that was a lie.

There was one other person that Shiro saw himself wanting to marry.

“Hey, Shiro.”

The way his name sounded coming from him still sent a shudder up Shiro’s spine.

Shiro turned and smiled. Keith stood before him now, his arms crossed. “Well, look what the wind blew in. It’s been a long time, Keith. How have you been?”

“Oh, the usual,” Keith answered. He kicked at the dirt. “A few things that the Blades are working on brought us back to Earth, so… I just thought I would come to pay you a visit.”

“I’m always happy to see you blow into town. Have you seen Hunk yet?”

“Not yet. He was next on my list, actually.”

Shiro knew that if he let Keith go, he would never see him again until he left Earth. It was a song and dance that they had done since Keith decided to leave to do Blade work with his mother and Kolivan. Things hadn’t been the same between them ever since Shiro’s marriage to Curtis. They saw each other less, even with their yearly visits to New Altea, and hardly spoke to one another outside of plans for the universe.

What happened to the people they used to be before this all happened? When Shiro was a man suffering from his disease and Keith was that spunky cadet who followed him like a shadow. Even though he always had to go through various tests and check-ups, Keith made it more tolerable when Adam couldn’t be around to help him. There were too many times when he would help without Shiro having to ask.

“Hold on a moment,” Shiro said. He gave Keith a smile. “Since it’s been while since you and I have spent time together, why don’t we go out to dinner? Just you and me to catch up on what’s been going on—no talk of Blade or Garrison work.”

His heart broke at Keith’s hesitant look. “I don’t know, Shiro… Are you sure that’s okay?”

“I don’t have anything else planned tonight,” Shiro lied. He raised his right hand and placed it on Keith’s shoulder. “Besides, I always have time for a friend.”

It took longer than Shiro would have liked for Keith to finally smile back.

“Alright. We’ll meet up for dinner. Pick me up?”

“Of course. I’ll see you at 6:30 sharp.” Shiro slowly peeled his hand away from Keith’s shoulder. He watched him disappear, waving as he went. There was only one thing left to do. Pulling out his phone, Shiro sent a quick text to Curtis:

_I’m sorry. I’m going to have to cancel our dinner together. Coran wants a private meeting with me._

* * *

_“All the time I feel guilty_

_For leaving you behind; I feel so empty_

_And now your due time, I just stay high_

_And try to forget that you're no longer mine”_

Shiro felt guilty that he had lied to Curtis the way he did. He could have easily said that he was going to have dinner with Keith. Curtis would have understood and told him to go. What Shiro also knew was that his husband would have asked to come along, too.

He didn’t want that. Shiro wanted alone time with Keith and this was the only way. Lying was a better and more logical thing to do.

As Shiro drove through the Garrison campus to the guest bunks, he thought about Keith and himself.

There were unresolved feelings between them that were never addressed—how Shiro truly felt about Keith, how Keith felt about him, the confession that had been spoken during their fight. While Shiro wasn’t there, the memories of the clone remained in his subconscious until he took over the body. He heard it and his heart swelled with adoration for finally hearing it.

Keith was much too young when they first met. There wasn’t much of an age gap difference between them, but anything between them would have been a bad idea. Back then, there was only a strong bond of friendship that Shiro wouldn’t have traded for anything in the universe. Things slowly started to change after Shiro returned to Earth. Just like when they were in the Garrison together, Keith had proved himself to be a loyal friend and companion. They had become closer since then, doing things together when they weren’t on missions. It was rare for one to be seen without the other.

Shiro realized his affections for Keith much too late. He recognized them the moment that he watched Keith take part in the Marmora trials. There was no chance for Shiro to tell him—they were too busy with trying to take care of Zarkon and their own personal missions. He humored the idea of doing it before Keith left with Hunk to the Weblum. But he didn’t. Shiro scared himself before he could muster the courage to do it. He promised himself that he would tell Keith when all this was over.

And that never happened, either.

Because Shiro died during that final fight with Zarkon.

Shiro ran a hand down his face as he drove. He hated thinking about his time in the Black Lion’s subconscious. The only thing that he thought about was the well-being of his team and his feelings for Keith. Every time Keith sat in the pilot’s seat, Shiro wished he could hold onto him. He wished he could hold him, tell him that he wasn’t alone, and that he loved him.

Even when Shiro returned there was never the right time to do it. And when the right time came around, it was too late. Shiro had convinced himself that Keith had moved on. He married Curtis as a result.

Don’t get him wrong, Shiro loved Curtis. But he never got over Keith. He never moved on and there was always a part of him that loved Keith even during his marriage. Shiro couldn’t stop.

There were times where Shiro would dream of a life where he did end up with Keith. They were married and lived on the Garrison base. After those dreams, Shiro would wake up with tear streaks on his face because that’s all it was—a dream. He humored the thought of asking Pidge and Matt to build a time machine for him. They would ask what it was for, but he wouldn’t be able to tell them.

How foolish would it be for Shiro to tell them he wanted to go back to the past and make sure that himself and Keith got together? They would think that he had lost his mind.

And maybe he did.

Maybe a part of him was lost when he was in the Black Lion’s subconscious.

A smile broke across his face as reached the guest bunkers. Keith was waiting on the curb, wearing a letterman jacket that Shiro had given him a long time ago. Shiro lowered his window as he pulled up. “Sir, do you know that it’s illegal to prostitute yourself on Garrison grounds?”

Keith smiled at him. “Darn. Then how am I going to get the new parts for my bike?”

“That sounds like a good cause. Climb in—if you can make it worth my while, I’ll buy you a new one,” Shiro answered.

Keith rolled his eyes. He moved around the car and climbed into the passenger seat. “So, where are we going? No place fancy, I hope.”

“I know better than to try and bring you to anywhere fancy,” Shiro said. He pulled away from the curb and headed for the Garrison gates. “Actually, there’s food in the back that I picked up from one of our favorite places. … You know, back before everything went to shit.”

Keith stared at Shiro before checking the back. Sure enough, there was a greasy looking bag of food strapped in the backseat like a toddler. “You didn’t…”

“I did.”

“I thought that place was destroyed!”

“It was, but they worked hard on getting back on their feet. I helped, too, because I wanted to have their burgers again. You’d be surprised by how much you miss after being on a space journey for so many years,” Shiro said.

Keith wiggled in his seat as he faced the front. “It’s been a while since I’ve had one! Is the recipe still the same, you think?”

Shiro grinned. “I asked—they still use a _lot_ of grease on their burgers and fries.”

“You might want to be careful there, old timer.” Keith reached over and poked Shiro’s stomach. “Start growing a new friend and your new husband may not approve.”

Shiro gripped the steering wheel tightly. He didn’t want to think about Curtis tonight. There was a heavy guilt that waited to hit him in the back of his mind. The moment his night with Keith was over, it would hit him. It would hit him worse than Sendak’s fists. He could tell that Keith knew he had become uncomfortable from bringing up Curtis. He sighed and sunk low into his seat.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything at all about Curtis…” Keith muttered.

“No, no. It’s okay,” Shiro lied. “You should come over before you leave for space again. Curtis would want to see you and see how you’re doing.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

Shiro tried not to think about how his left finger itched without his wedding ring on.

* * *

They were far outside of the Garrison compound when Shiro decided to stop driving. The place he picked was a spot that they occupied often after riding their hoverbikes through the desert. It had a nice view of the sunset and the terrain. Shiro loved seeking solace here when things got tough back then and even now in the present day.

Keith sighed as he stepped out of the car. He turned his face to the sun and took a deep breath. Shiro always liked watching Keith like this. Since he grew up here, he had more of a connection to the desert than Shiro ever would.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been out here, hasn’t it?” Shiro asked, grabbing the bag from the back.

“I was here during that last day on Earth before we went after Haggar,” Keith answered. “I haven’t been back here since then, though.”

Shiro sat down on the hood of his car. “Do you feel better now that you’re out here?”

“A little. I’ll feel better once I get some food into me.” Keith crawled onto the car and spread himself out.

“Well, hopefully you’ll still like the taste,” Shiro said, handing Keith a burger. “I know I still do.”

“Oh, I can tell.” Keith reached over to pat his stomach. “I like this look on you, though.”

He smiled. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You’ve always been a health nut, Shiro, even back when I was a cadet. Back then, you didn’t have much of a choice. You needed to keep a healthy diet to help delay the… inevitable future of your condition,” Keith answered. “But it’s different now—now you can relax and gorge on all the things that you want to do. You can get ‘big’ and enjoy your life. … I always wanted that for you…”

Shiro felt his heart clench. Even when they hardly spent any more time together, Keith still wanted the best for Shiro. And he appreciated it. “Yeah, well, when I’m single again because I’ve gotten _too_ fat, you better be eating that gallon of ice cream with me.”

“That’s fine. We can get fat together,” Keith answered.

“I’d like that.”

They enjoyed their meal together, staring as the sun started to set. Shiro completely forgot what it was like to peacefully enjoy time together. Curtis would often get on his case about some thing or another. Sometimes it would be about the sponge he forgot to wring out completely or the dinner they had planned. Once it had been because he overwatered the flowers in their garden. Shiro had brushed it off as the typical things couples go through during the first year of their marriage. But he often found himself wondering how much fighting and conflict do married couples go through before it was enough?

Shiro dislodged the thought from his head. This night wasn’t meant to be about him and Curtis. It was about him and Keith. He was taking this time to spend it with his best friend that he hadn’t seen in a long time. He wanted to cherish it.

They spoke about things that happened in the past—adventures in space, Garrison life before the Galra invaded, and simpler times. Shiro fondly remembered the times they would spend after harsh study sessions that Keith needed to get through. As inappropriate that Adam thought their relationship was, Shiro was happy that he could relax. It was always a good day when he could forget about the stress of his life. Keith helped him forget about all that.

“Do you remember the first time you taught me how to launch off the cliff with my bike?” Keith asked.

Shiro laughed. “Yeah, I remember. You were in the medbay for _weeks._ Sam gave it to me for letting you do something so reckless. Matt made it _worse_ by telling him that I did it all the time and motivated him.”

“Didn’t Adam also rip you a new one for that, too?”

He groaned. “Goodness, I remember that. I slept on the couch for weeks even after you left the medbay. That wasn’t a fun time.”

“Hey, at least you survived,” Keith said.

Shiro sighed. “Yeah. We survived a _lot_ together, didn’t we?”

“Like I said… I’d save you as many times as it takes.”

His heart fluttered at that. Shiro had heard that memory before when he was unconscious in his clone’s body, but hearing it for himself? That was something else entirely. Not even Adam was supportive of him as Keith was. Keith had been there for so much and saved Shiro when he was on the brink of destruction. There would be nothing that Shiro could do to make it up to him. Perhaps he could have had that chance if he wasn’t such a coward. If he had told Keith from the start how he felt, maybe they would be married.

Maybe things would have been different for them both.

_“Time's too slow for those who wait_

_Time's too fast even if you hesitate_

_Time's too short for regrets_

_Funny how they say it helps you forget”_

“I love you.”

“W-what?”

Shiro knew that it was a mistake to say it. It wasn’t the right time to say such a confession. What Shiro did know was that if he didn’t say it now, he would regret it forever.

“I love you, Keith. And, honestly, I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Shiro admitted. “I should have told you sooner, maybe when we were alone in the Black Lion on the way back to Earth or… I don’t know. Whenever other than today would have been a better chance.”

“Yeah, it would have been,” Keith said.

Shiro shouldn’t have said anything. He should have kept his mouth shut or perhaps kept his dinner date promise with Curtis. It would have been better than confessing to Keith in the first place.

“I don’t understand why you would say this now, Shiro. I’ve been busy with Blade work, you’ve moved on—”

“I’ve never moved on, Keith.”

“—and I don’t understand why you would do this to us…” Keith muttered. “What would Curtis think?”

“Let’s forget about Curtis for a moment.” Shiro stepped down from the car and moved to stand before Keith. “Think about it, Keith—how much different would our lives be if we ended up together? Do you ever think about that? Or am I the only one?”

Keith chewed on his lower lip. Shiro could practically see the gears turning in his head. “No, you’re not…” He sighed, burying his face in his hands. “Shiro, I’ve always thought about that. It was nice to think about what our lives would be if we were together. Hell, after your marriage I would dream about it and wake up miserable.

“But it’s too late for that now,” Keith said.

Shiro closed his eyes and hung his head. He knew it was true.

“I wish that you had said something,” Keith muttered. “If you did, then maybe you and I would have had a wedding instead of Curtis and you. But instead of coming to me about how you felt and me being too much of a coward to bring my feelings up again… we wound up like this.”

Shiro opened his eyes. Keith stared at him with teary eyes and it hurt him to know that he was the one who caused it. “We can change that, Keith—”

“No, we can’t, Shiro.”

“I can divorce Curtis, and you and I can disappear in space. The Garrison and the Blades will be fine without us. They don’t need us, Keith, but _I_ need you.” Shiro took in a shuddering breath. “I need you, Keith…”

Keith shook his head. “We can’t, Shiro. I love that you’re going to be selfish for once and do something that you want… but we can’t. Our time is over and… we need to let it go.” He chewed on his lip. “As much as it hurts, you belong with Curtis and I belong with the Blades. We shouldn’t uproot that…”

And as much as Shiro didn’t want to admit it, Keith was right.

This was too selfish of a request for Shiro to ask of Keith. He may be fine with uprooting his life, but Keith had settled into the Blade life. He couldn’t do that to him. No matter how much Shiro loved Keith, he couldn’t ask to run away with him. Keith deserved so much more than what Shiro could offer him. And what he wanted for him was the best.

“You’re right. You’re _absolutely_ right.” Shiro backed away from Keith.

He walked up to the cliff’s edge and stared over the scenery. It was late now. The sun had already fallen, and it was time for them to part ways. There was nothing else for them to say. Their time was over.

“I’m gonna start heading back to the Garrison,” Keith said, getting off the car.

Shiro turned back to him. “Keith, no, it’s too far. Get in the car and I’ll drive you.”

“It’s okay, Shiro. There’s a lot I need to think about. The walk back will help clear my head,” Keith said.

He knew he couldn’t stop Keith from leaving. “Okay… Have a good night, Keith.”

“You too, Shiro.”

Shiro watched Keith leave and he hated that he couldn’t reach out to him. They would keep away from each other for a long while. He was right back to where they started. The next time he would see Keith, it wouldn’t surprise Shiro if he was on the arm of some other person. When that day arrived, his heart was going to break even more.

With a sigh, Shiro sat down on his car. He found himself wishing for a bottle of whiskey to help ease the tightness in his throat. This shouldn’t have happened. He was a fool. Shiro should have kept himself quiet about his feelings.

_“If I could build a time machine_

_I'd take it back to you_

_I'd rewind the time when you were mine_

_And relive those moments with you_

_And relive those moments with you_

_And live in this moment with you”_

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies...
> 
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/val_hellaa)


End file.
